Remodeling the “Monkey Mind”

“While I’m deep in the weeds sorting through drafts and photos to catch up on my Japan travel posts, I figured it was time for a quick pit stop to share what my day-to-day life actually looks like right now. Spoiler alert: When I’m not mentally traversing the streets of Tokyo, my actual reality looks significantly less like a high-flying global itinerary and a lot more like a slow-motion science experiment. For those wondering how a recovering tech leader with a restless ‘monkey mind’ stays anchored between big trips, the answer turns out to be fewer bullet trains and significantly more agonizing over a single embroidery stitch. Here is a quick update on the current focus areas ruling my schedule—and keeping me from eating myself alive…”

When people find out I’m mostly retired, the question I get most often—usually delivered with a look of mild concern for my sanity—is: “But how do you keep yourself busy?

It’s a fair question. For decades, my identity was entirely wrapped up in being a high-flying, hyper-efficient, classic Type A tech leader. My brain was a finely tuned racing engine. But then, twelve years ago, a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) forced an uninvited, aggressive downshift. I eventually had to leave a high-octane career I absolutely loved and face the humbling, frustrating, and often absurd task of learning a “new normal.”

Today, my professional output consists of a few high-level consulting projects and stepping onto a stage for a keynote speech a couple of times a year. It’s just enough to satisfy the old ego. But the rest of my time? I’ve traded intense strategic planning sessions for balance poses and spreadsheets for satin stitches.

To keep my recovering brain healthy and resilient, I’ve dedicated myself to learning entirely new, wildly contrasting skills. If you had told the younger version of me that my daily schedule would revolve around Tai Chi and embroidery, I would have laughed you out of the room. Yet, here we are.

If you are a fellow Type A trapped with a restless “monkey mind,” here is how I spend an hour and a half every day keeping my brain from eating itself alive.

The Morning Routine: Rewiring the Hardware. My daily brain-remodeling project happens in highly deliberate, bite-sized increments. It turns out the brain doesn’t need a grueling eight-hour shift to change; it just needs consistency.

Phase 1: The Morning Beach Walk & Tai Chi (20–30 Minutes). Every morning, after a brisk 2-5 mile walk on the beach to get the blood flowing, I step in to the comfort of my living room for 20 to 30 minutes of Tai Chi.

Now, if you’ve never seen a former corporate Type A attempt Tai Chi, picture a Ferrari trying to drive at exactly 2 miles per hour. Every fiber of my being wants to power through the movements, but the magic of Tai Chi is in the agonizing, beautiful slowness.

  • The Brain Science: By forcing my body to calculate fluid, slow-motion movements in three-dimensional space, I’m giving my cerebellum (coordination) and parietal cortex (spatial awareness) a massive workout. Tai Chi triggers the release of acetylcholine—a neurotransmitter that essentially acts like a “save button” for new neural connections. It’s structural engineering for my balance and motor maps, heavily disguised as a slow-motion martial art.

Phase 2: Micro-Movements and Embroidery (20–30 Minutes). Later in the morning, I pivot entirely. I sit down for exactly 20 to 30 minutes of embroidery. Yes, embroidery. Stop laughing.

Going from high-level tech strategy to meticulously threading a needle is the ultimate exercise in humility. My primary motor cortex—specifically the massive chunk of real estate dedicated to my hands and fingers—is forced into a state of hyper-synchronized focus.

  • The Brain Science: Every single millimeter of progress requires intense visual tracking and micro-motor precision. This creates dense, localized clusters of synapses in my motor and visual cortices. Even better? The aerobic boost from my earlier walk and Tai Chi primes my brain with BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor), a literal fertilizer for neurons. By the time I pick up the needle, my brain is chemically optimized to build and insulate these new pathways.

The Intermission: Taming the Monkey Mind. Sandwiched into this routine, I add two 15-minute sessions of mindfulness and gratitude meditation daily.

For a Type A personality, meditation can feel like a form of psychological torture. Sit still? Do nothing? Focus on my breath when there are problems to solve? It feels counterintuitive. But for a brain recovering from a TBI—and a mind naturally prone to swinging from branch to branch like a caffeinated chimpanzee—this practice is non-negotiable.

This double-dose of daily mindfulness allows me to:

  • Hit the neuro-brakes: It down-regulates my sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response that Type A’s live in) and dials down the amygdala, reducing the background anxiety of “not doing enough.”
  • Anchor to the present: Instead of mourning the pre-TBI past or obsessing over an unpredictable future, it forces my prefrontal cortex to anchor into the absolute current moment.
  • Foster structural resilience: Studies show regular meditation actually thickens the gray matter in areas involved in emotional regulation and memory, while thinning the areas associated with stress.

The Hardest Part of the “New Normal.” If I’m being completely honest, it is still really hard to admit—even to myself—that I’m no longer leading huge, Worldwide Initiatives. My ego still wants to be the one orchestrating global strategies, not sitting on a couch trying to figure out how a single French knot works. Stepping back to enjoy the absolute simplicity of embroidery and Tai Chi, sprinkled with a bit of meditation, required swallowing a massive dose of pride.

But there is a silver lining to this forced humility. While my inner overachiever might still throw the occasional tantrum, those around me have noticed a massive shift. They genuinely appreciate a new calmer, kinder, and much more patient Rane. So, while I’m primarily doing this to painstakingly claw back some executive function, my friends and family are just glad I’m finally learning how to breathe.

Twelve years post-TBI, I am not the same person I was in leadership team meetings, and that is finally okay. I’ve learned that keeping a brain healthy isn’t about running it ragged; it’s about challenging it with novelty, precision, and deliberate rest.

If you are a fellow Type A struggling to slow down, or if you’re navigating your own version of a “new normal,” I highly recommend building your own eclectic routine. Pick one thing that challenges your large-scale balance, one thing that demands microscopic focus, and throw in some stillness to keep the gears greased.

Your monkey mind might fight you at first, but your synapses will thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some fabric to tension, and it is going to take all the mental fortitude I possess.

New Year’s Resolution: I can’t do everything and that is okay!

Welcome 2021!  As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day today, I feel his quote is particularly fitting for this blog: ” Even though we face difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.”

This week I am going to deviate slightly from van life travel.  After one year of retirement, touring the country– living in a van and experiencing life during a pandemic, I decided my New Year’s resolution would be that of being fully honest on my capabilities and accept I can’t do everything. 

Being a Type A overachiever, who believed and spent the last 40+ years if you put enough effort and determination you can do anything you want to try, it’s hard for me to now admit I am prohibited in doing everything.  Living with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), now makes it no matter how hard I try there are things I just can’t do anymore well.  TBI is a hidden or invisible disability I have been living with the last seven years.  Many people don’t realize what is an invisible disability, a physical, mental or neurological condition that is not visible to others because they can occur in life but the person does not outwardly appear to have a problem since there is no need for a wheel chair, walker or crutches.  After spending years multi-tasking, sitting on multiple global projects, advisory boards, commissions, tasks forces and doing it all successfully, empathetically, and professionally it’s hard for  people who have interacted with me, that I just can’t do those things well anymore.  When you have TBI your Amygdala and occipital lobe can be damaged.  Your Amygdala is responsible for many important brain functions like, memory, learning, executive function and emotions while the occipital lobe controls your visual processing, distance and depth perception, object and facial recognition and memory formation.  Due to my damaged Amygdala and occipital lobe:

  • I now forget a lot of things and need lists
  • If I am told something in confidence I may forget and discuss it
  • I no longer have a filter and say things I should know not to say that may hurt someone’s feelings (lack of executive function)
  • My emotions are constantly on over load,
    • I get overly upset if I hurt someone and can’t stop worrying about it
    • I anger easily over silly things
    • I am quick to cry
    • I am quick to yelling and raising my voice
    • I feel like I need to apologize to my husband multiple times a day for my behavior
  • It’s difficult when I drive, I must concentrate really hard due to my challenge with depth perception and reaction time has decreased significantly
  • I get migraines often, feel woozy and need to nap daily

Because of this, I sold my business at the end of 2019 and retired.  I finally learned I couldn’t work anymore when I needed to nap daily, I’d get frustrated and set-off so easily, and if I had a hard day, I would be dizzy, nauseous and have a migraine.  So, Greg made the executive decision for us to hit the road and enjoy the vanlife and start RGBAdventures to document our adventures.  When you visit our blog, our YouTube, Facebook and Instagram it looks like all fun but you don’t see the tough days dealing with TBI.  In a social media world, we see all the positives and don’t share the challenges. It’s hard to be vulnerable when we live in a society that must show competence and achievement. 

I write this post for four reasons:

  1. To remind us that many people have disabilities and challenges that are hidden and we don’t realize and that we need to be more patient and understanding, especially in a time of COVID-19
  2. Don’t let social media get you depressed and feel like I wish I had that life, as that person probably feeling same challenges and difficulties as you but can’t really show it and wants to create positive influence in your day.
  3. If I personally hurt you by my actions, I am so sorry it wasn’t my intent and I can’t make TBI an excuse but hope it gives you some understanding to forgive me eventually.  And if you know someone who may have TBI please understand they may look normal but if they do something that upsets you try to understand that they may not have full ‘control’ of their brain anymore. 
  4. To remind myself and others that we can’t do everything and that it is okay to lean on friends, family and loved ones and admit when we need help.  I hope this also allows you to ask for help.

During this pandemic, we need to give ourselves and our community a break and be more understanding.  It’s okay for us to have a little more self-care and do a little less.  It is a great time to enjoy the outdoors and what mother nature can bring us to relieve anxiety and stress.  When I can’t control my brain, the one thing I appreciate the most living in a van right now and being able to control is being able to run, hike, bike, ski, paddleboard, swim and focus on my physical health.   It’s okay to be vulnerable, not be perfect at everything and let people help you.  If you want to learn more about TBI here is a great article.  Hoping for a positive and wonderful 2021 for everyone! 

The Joy of Art, Music, Crafting and Gifting to Heal the Type A Brain

After my seventh concussion and being diagnosed with Traumatic Brain Injury, as stated in my last two blogs, I began to take my injury more seriously and knew I needed to make a change in my life.  My emotions were on a roller coaster ride.  One minute I would be happy, then next my husband would say something and I was ready to pummel him in rage and then the next I would be crying hysterically like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Not only were my emotions wreaking havoc in my life but my memory, word searching, attention span, reasoning and problem-solving skills were like a child.

Since I had been told by my neurologist to not read, go online or watch TV, I needed to do something to occupy my time and get healthy.  To go from having 15 hours scheduled by the minute to no schedule was utter maddening.  You can only spend so much of your day meditating, doing yoga, going for hikes/walks and cooking. I was still struggling to occupy my days and I wasn’t ready to see very many people other than my closest of friends.  My godfather and mother came over for a visit and she taught me to knit. I became a knitting fool.  Making scarves, hats, shawls for everyone I knew.

My sister-in-law gave me a nail art kit for my birthday and soon I was making everyone wood nail art deer, owls, ravens and landscape pieces.  I also thought it was time to do something with the bags and bags of wine corks I had collected and made these wooden and cork hot pot holders for dining room tables and cork boards. That Christmas everyone got a Rane original creation!  I was becoming a crafting aficionado and enjoying the smiles on people’s faces as they got something made by me.  I was getting a little over zealous with my knitting and I think I made everyone I knew something, that my husband suggested isn’t there other art therapies or maybe even music therapies I could try?

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One of the many shawls I created for friends.

I then remembered with the work I was doing before I went on medical leave from Microsoft regarding helping military veterans reskill and get jobs in technology. There was research on art and music therapy helping military veterans with traumatic brain injury.  I thought if it could work for them, it may possibly work for me.  I couldn’t read the research reports to understand the details and unfortunately scholarly reviewed publications are not on digital audio yet, (perhaps, someone should really look into that.)  So, I went to my psychologist and asked what types of art and music therapy I should try. This would occupy more of my day, give my monkey mind a part-time job and hopefully start helping my cognitive impairments. He suggested I start first with the adult coloring books and listening to classical music.

Once, I was able to read again I began to learn what art and music therapy can really do for you.  In the last ten years, there has been significant progress in the study of TBI and art/music therapies.” Biomedical researchers have found that music is a highly structured auditory language involving complex perception, cognition, and motor control in the brain, and thus it can effectively be used to retrain and reeducate the injured brain.”

I also learned that listening to “polyphonic music has shown to engage neural circuits underlying multiple forms of working memory, attention, semantic processing, target detection, and motor imagery, in turn indicating that music listening engages brain areas that are involved in general functions rather than music-specific areas.”  A good example of polyphonic music is this old Sting classic, I love this YouTube rendition.

In addition to listening to music, I took it a step further and have been teaching myself to play the acoustic guitar. Through other books, I learned the importance of dancing and singing every day to my favorite song and how that help grow the strength in my vagus nerve (As my earlier blog stated, I learned my vagus nerve was having issues and was the reason for my blacking out and causing all my concussions and traumatic brain injury).

My poor husband would have to listen to me belt out at the top of my lungs ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA or ‘It’s a Beautiful Day’ by U2 or ‘Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison and the list goes on and on.  I started rubbing off on my friends and they would text me their dance out song of the day.  You should try it; your whole body get a rush of endorphins and total jubilation once your done with a grin a mile long and your spouse laughing hysterically at you.

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My first set of paintings on display at Chow Restaurant in Bend, Oregon.

I was starting to get bored with my adult coloring books from Costco.  When I was at the Newport Visual Arts Center, looking at the latest show there was a bunch of people painting with watercolors on the second floor.  As I walked in, I found out they had received a grant that allowed them to give free art classes every day for the community and I was invited in to try.  So for the rest of the Summer, every week I attended the water color class, pottery class, pastel class, coloring pencil class, and acrylic painting class. Soon, I was able to read again, I learned through Psychology Today that art therapists, “McGuinness and Schnur worked with TBI patients and they explain the salient roles of art therapy in addressing various parts of the brain with clients in a user-friendly way.”

They also state that, “art therapy can help with organization, problem solving, and memory when the frontal lobes have been affected by TBI.”  I then started concentrating on acrylic painting as my favorite form of painting.  And thanks to my friends Lisa and Amy, who one day said, “Hey Rane, you are actually getting good- you should sell your art!”  To my utter amazement, a local restaurant wanted me to show my art and by January 2018 I had sold 12 pieces.

Filling my days with painting, listening and playing music my energy, emotions and memory were improving. The hardest part of my TBI has been moving from a super positive always happy demeanor that rarely ever got mad to this uncontrollable rage that pops up from just a little comment could set me off.  If anything can calm this new emotion, I am happy to do it.  I am lucky my husband is understanding and can deal with these moments that happen several times a month.  My days are now packed with art, music, yoga, mediation and the outdoors. I highly encourage everyone, even those who may not have traumatic brain injury the power of adding more art, music or crafting in your life.  A lot of the research highlights how it can help slow and possibly stop Alzheimer.  Here are a few of my favorite beginner Youtube videos to get you started with music, art and knitting, I hope you try-  I promise you will have fun!